Regional Ribbing

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Global Comparisons

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.

Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.

Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.

Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box.

Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans.

Canadians: Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them.

Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.

Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.

Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.

Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English."

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English."

Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.

Aussies: Add "G'day," "mate," and a heavy accent to everything they say

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.

Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.

Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.

Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.

Aussies: Wallow on about how some of their past citizens were once outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.

Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.

Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.

Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Canadians: Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways and avoid assimilation.

Americans: Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly and dump their old ways.

Brits: Encourages immigrants to go to Canada or America.

Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.

Canadians: Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.

Americans: Think that these people are American!

Brits: Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them because they don't understand subtle humor.

"Newfie Virus"

You have just received the "Newfie Virus".

As we ain't got no programming experience, this virus works on the honour system.

Please delete all the files on your hard drive and manually forward this e-mail to everyone on your mailing list.

Thanks for your co-operation.

FYI - a Newfie is a native Newfoundlander.

Canadian Hunting Techniques

You know you're in Canada when:

* You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie...with only 8 buttons

* the mosquitoes have landing lights.

* leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

* you can get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance

You know you're in the USA when;

Drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front!

FYI: Can't buy cigarettes in pharmacies in Canada.

You know you're from Ontario when;

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going to Barrie for the weekend.

3. You measure distance in hours.

4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

6. You use a down comforter in the summer.

7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

10. You think of the major food groups as deer meat, fish, and berries.

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Canadian Tire store at any given time.

13. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

14. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, construction

15. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

18. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Ontario.

Regional Ribbing

Global Comparisons

"Newfie Virus"

Canadian Hunting Techniques

You know you're in Canada when:

You know you're in North America when:

You know you're in the USA when;

You know you're from Ontario when;

Canuck Quip Archives:

Loonie Toonies

Trivia EH?

Great White Words

Canuck Quotes