Regional Ribbing
Page 1| 2| 3| 4You might be a Canadian Redneck . . .
. . . if most of your clothing has Canadian beer logos on them.
. . . if you've ever hummed "Bud the Spud".
. . . if you've never realized that most of the lyrics in Gordon Lightfoot's "Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald" don't rhyme.
. . . if most of your wardrobe is plaid (including hats).
. . . if you like the music of Gordon Lightfoot, Stompin' Tom, or Buffy Sainte Marie.
. . . if you know who Gordon Lightfoot, Stompin' Tom, or Buffy Sainte Marie are.
. . . if you actually like to wear a toque.
. . . if you mix French and English in the same sentence. (This only applies if you're a Francophone.)
. . . if you've ever been "out and about".
. . . if you "hang out" at Tim Horton's.
. . . if you use the words "friggin'" or "arse" or "friggin' arse! " on a regular basis.
. . . if you have a bumper sticker or an article of clothing that says "If
you're Canadian, show me your beaver."
. . . if you insist that Americans should know more about Canada, despite the fact the only part of America that exists for you is Florida.
. . . if you have Canadian Tire catalogues in your house. (Extra points for any "really old" ones.)
. . . if you find any cartoon beaver funny.
. . . if you only watched "the Beachcombers" to see what Relic was up to.
. . . if you know who Relic is.
. . . if you've ever used your kitchen to dress/butcher game, make "chow" or pickled beets.
. . . if you had to find out which leaves make good toilet paper, mainly because you can't use a dollar bill any more.
. . . if you've told people you were a "government artist", because you were "drawing" pogey.
. . . if any beer under 6% is considered good only for pouring on your "Shreddies" in the morning.
. . . if your entire French vocabulary was gleaned from cereal boxes.
. . . if you think Don Cherry should be Prime Minister, or better still Minister of Foreign Affairs.
. . . if you know "jacking deer" isn't a sexual innuendo.
. . . if you own an ice auger.
. . . if you have a "good" parka for formal occasions.
. . . if you consider Kraft Dinner, ketchup, beer and Crispy Crunch as the four major food groups.
. . . if you shop exclusively at Canadian Tire for Christmas presents.
. . . if your snowmobile or chainsaw payments have a higher priority than your car payments.
. . . if you think the start of deer season should be a national holiday.
. . . if the trunk of your car has ever doubled as a deep freeze.
. . . if you will only go camping for a maximum of one night because your back pack will only holds one two-four.
. . . if you have more than twenty dollars in Canadian Tire money.
. . . if you still sing the "Great White North" them song with pride
"coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo".
. . . if you got pissed when Harold left the Red Green show.
. . . if you always have a mickey of "CC" or "Captain Morgan's Dark" on you.
. . . if you think whoever invented de-alcoholized beer should have been strangled at birth.
. . . if you consider the theme song of Hockey Night In Canada to be
Canada's second official National Anthem.
. . . if you found any of this funny.
Sinking Ship
Six presidents on a sinking ship...
Ford: "What do we do?"
Bush: "Man the lifeboats!"
Reagan: "What lifeboats?"
Carter: "Women first!"
Nixon: "Screw the women!:
Clinton, "Do you think we have time?"
'911'
A newfie calls 911.
"Hello, is this the RCMP?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Mike Fitzpatrick!
"He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the RCMP officers descended on Mike's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every piece of wood but found no marijuana. They swore at Mike and left.
The next day the phone rang at Mike's house.
"Hey, Mike! Did the RCMP come to your house?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy"
Curling
